OSSETT TOWN     V     1874 NORTHWICH

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 3rd 

Competition: FA Cup, Qualifying Round Three Replay

Ticket price: £8

Programme: £2

Attendance: 342

Half time score: 0-0

Full time score: 0-0 (Ossett win 5-4 on penalties)

Bird species: 47

Mileage: 359.5

Trip music: BBC Radio 6; Lovely Creatures by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

BACKGROUND - Monday October 2nd

My mission for Tuesdays seems to be to bag as many lifers for Lowlister Tottenham Tim as possible. His only payback is to have to endure a non-league football match somewhere in exchange for new birds. Ideally, I get some new birds as well and icing on the cake is added if I get a new ground ticked off.

Planning for such days out is conducted with almost military precision: where are the best birds; where's the nearest unvisited ground to those birds? A fair part of Monday is spent monitoring bird news and checking websites for confirmation of kick-off times and directions to possible football venues!

TT's life list will be greatly boosted by a trip to Spurn tomorrow, a site I am very fond of. I might end up with a few yearticks but definitely no new grounds. I was hoping that the Scops Owl would stay until our given day out but it seems to have done a bunk at the weekend. As regards football, the best I can do is a revisit in Yorkshire, though it is some time since I visited several of the clubs playing on the route home, so I don't mind too much. This paucity of choice is what comes with having seen approximately 480 species of birds in Britain and visited over 1,200 football grounds!

THE BIRDS

I drop off Perfect Wife at work and then pick up Tottenham Tim. I announce the venue for today and he seems rather pleased: Yellow-browed Warbler, Red-breasted Flycatcher, Red-backed Shrike and Pied Flycatcher all beckon him to East Yorkshire with a juvenile Rose-coloured Starling as a 'Learning bird' thrown in for good measure (he's already seen an adult this year but it would be rude not to pay a visit to this scarcity while in the vicinity).

As we head north on the M1, TT is checking bird news. Before we've gone far, TT announces that the Scops Owl is showing again in County Durham. After a very brief discussion, it is decided that we dump Spurn and head for the owl. On previous days, once this bird has been found, it shows all day. I explain to TT that Scops is a much 'better' bird to get on his list than the four potential new scarce species at Spurn, which he can tick off almost at any time. He doesn't need much convincing!

Ninety minutes later, we park up in Ryhope Village. It is quite worrying that there are no other birders' cars here. We follow pager directions and find a small crowd huddled in one spot looking into a valley covered with vegetation. I immediately pick out a small brown blob in the Elder and relax; our target bird is still showing well.

Spot the owl!

For the next hour or so, the dozing Scops Owl poses nicely for all-comers. It seems the unexpected re-finding of this bird has caught twitchers on the hop. People who hadn't been able to make it during its stay, or who had dipped it on previous occasions, arrive constantly, seemingly in a flap about whether it is still showing. They needn't worry: this sleepy Scops isn't going anywhere today!

While we are there, Scopsy wakes up once, has a quick scratch and then goes back to sleep again. Unlike last week's frantic goings on at Burnham Overy, this is a beautifully relaxed twitch for a very showy bird. The only hassle is trying to get in a position where one can see the whole bird!

There it is! "Take your time, I'm not going anywhere"

 

While Tottenham Tim is having a 'scopeful, I scan the valley for other birds. There's only a few Goldfinches and Linnets around to distract from the main attraction. There's definitely no sign of the weekend's Barred Warbler, or indeed any other warbler.

A nice, friendly, gentle twitch at Ryhope

The valley runs to the North Sea; a perfect magnet for tired migrants

Thick vegetation: ideal for a roosting Scops Owl!

The view at the end of the path just a short stroll from the owl

The view one hour later: "I told you, don't rush; I'm not going anywhere!"

 With the cute owl firmly in the bag, it is time to decide what to do next. With the meticulously planned itinerary out of the window - Spurn is now 150 miles away - it's back to the drawing board. A timely intervention by the pager sees us heading further north to Whitburn Country Park, just eight miles away, for another attempt at an Arctic Warbler.

When we arrive a short while later, it is obvious we are to be thwarted by this species once again. Several bored-looking locals are peering into thick bushes more out of duty than out of optimism. It seems the Arctic was a 'heard only' find this morning and the flock of migrating warblers it was with has long since departed.

To show willing, I join in the half-hearted search and find many Goldcrests and a few Chiffchaffs to scan through. Even they seem to move on, as do all the other birders. Its time to explore the park further. A skein of Pink-footed Geese flying inland gladdens the heart.

  

Another Arctic Warbler does a flit!

We follow a trail to the coast and are rewarded with a scenic view, unspoiled by birds. The track leads through thick Sea Buckthorn bushes, far too dense to see any lurking birds within. I can hear plenty of Goldcrests but nothing else is noted.

We eventually come across a sturdy hide and find a guy stretching his legs outside the entrance. He beckons us in and we find it is a seawatching hide, definitely built to withstand storms, hurricanes and quite possibly a nuclear war. Until the orange-skinned madman is out of The White House, I am keeping Whitburn's postcode handy in Jane SatNav!!

For the next ninety minutes, we scan the sea for birds and chat with our new friend. Locally, he is known as Pink Floyd and is logging all passing birds from the hide today. He even provides us with a crab sandwich snack, though pleas to open up a cocktail bar in the hide fall on deaf ears.

Time flies by as we note large numbers of Pink-footed Geese going through (bizarrely, mostly heading north!), a distant Arctic Skua - a lifer for TT but he fails to pick it out as it hassles Black-headed Gulls on the horizon - Common Scoters, Red-breasted Mergansers, Meadow Pipits, Shelduck and Oystercatchers. The biggest surprise comes when a Ruddy Shelduck flies close past the hide heading south. Where the heck has that come from?!!

Seawatching hide/nuclear bunker at Whitburn

Pink Floyd needs to go home, so we have to leave the hide because he has to lock it behind him. In casual conversation, I mention that TT, bizarrely, has seen Scops Owl before Little Owl! PF has a knowing look on his face and proclaims: "follow me!"

We give Pink Floyd a lift to Trow Quarry, his local patch, a place I know all too well from a depressing twitch a few years ago. Britain's first ever Eastern Crowned Warbler was admired by thousands of birders for a couple of days while I was fog-bound on Scilly. After finally getting off, I travelled up with friends overnight only to find the bird had flown leaving an empty quarry and 300+ desperately disappointed birders on a dull, damp Sunday morning. 

"You won't need your 'scopes, the owls show very well". It sounds like TT is going to end the day with another lifer after all!

Oh no he isn't! It seems the owls are hunkered in one of the numerous holes in the cliff face, sensibly ducking out of the very strong wind. Our "guaranteed" Little Owls are nowhere to be seen despite a nail-biting, thorough scan of the rocks.

We bid a final farewell to Pink Floyd and pack away all the birding gear in readiness for the football. All we have to show for our short walk are a few Meadow Pipits and a Carrion Crow.  Another one for another day, TT!

 THE FOOTBALL

The unexpected change in the day's itinerary again comes into play. All my researched matches are in Yorkshire. I know there is nothing to aim for here in the north east, so we agree to head south so as not to be too far from home after the match. Ossett Town are my preferred option being as I cannot remember anything about the ground and it is quite a while since I last visited (and I love the name!). Tonight they are at home in an FA Cup replay against 1874 Northwich.

Just over 100 miles later, down a mercifully traffic-lite A1M, we are on the outskirts of Ossett. I am following Jane SatNav, who fortuitously takes us past a decent-looking chippie just a mile from the ground. It turns out it is more than decent: the seaside-like fish and chips are truly delicious!

Later, while I am filling up with petrol,  TT jumps out of the car and bends the ear of a match steward about parking (TT has his uses sometimes!). It's not good news: there's no parking at the ground and most people usually park in the small public car park opposite. I am one of these miserable sods who begrudge paying for parking but I needn't have worried: it is free after 5.00pm!

The welcome at Ingfield is a warm one. The stewards are very friendly and helpful. I pay £8 at the gate and another £2 for the programme. I know I am quite critical of some football programmes but I must hereby put on record how grateful I am to editors who spend the time putting one together at all. Just remember that Ossett's editor had no idea this fixture was taking place until about 4.45pm on Saturday afternoon. And now, here at 6.45pm on Tuesday evening, no doubt after a disrupted weekend, is The Ingfielder; a reassuringly chunky feel to it in my sweaty palm. 

I next head for the tea hut behind the main stand where I am reliably informed a teamsheet will be waiting for all-comers. With that in the bag, and a cup of tea in hand, I survey the food on offer. Despite the fish and chip supper being gorgeous, I am almost sorry I didn't plump for one of the locally-produced pies or pasties in the ground instead. Everyone in the hut is raving about them!

Most people in the stadium at this point seem to be away fans. They pack the bar, too, and I have a feeling there's going to be a lively atmosphere for tonight's replay.
I am not too surprised at how few Ossett fans there are. The Town only has a population of 19,000 and there are two Ossett teams. Remarkably, Albion are also playing at home tonight!

My final task before settling down for the game is my customary walk around the ground. As I progress, the sky becomes more and more stunning and by the time I complete the circuit, people are pouring out of the clubhouse just to admire the scene.

The Ingfield Sradium appeals to my ramshackle-charm loving brain. There's a large stand with seats behind the goal adjacent to the main road. All facilities can be found along one touchline; the side where spectators enter the ground. There's a covered terrace along this side, as well as a larger open terrace and the clubhouse (which is set back from the terraces). There's more cover along the other side, while the area behind the opposite goal is open.. This is my sort of football venue: you can forget about the new homologous 'breeze-block-and-tin-bowls' they are building these days!

Open terrace

Seats behind the goal; main road behind that wall.

Behind the dugouts

Clubhouse

Ossett Town play in the Evo-Stik North League while 1874 Northwich compete in the North West Counties League. The visitors were formed as recently as 2012, with fans forming a club as a protest at the abysmal goings on at their beloved Northwich Victoria. They are a well-supported team and their fans probably outnumber the home supporters by 4:1 tonight.

I was right about it being a rowdy night. Both sets of fans are very vocal, even in the face of having nothing to be vocal about! After Ossett miss a couple of sitters within five minutes of the start, the  game ominously settles into a pattern of many goalless games I have seen over the years. Tottenham Tim is bracing himself for another late night of extra time and penalties after just a few minutes of kick-off and I phone Perfect Wife to tell her I will be late picking her up from her Mum's just after the half time break!

With alarming prescience, mine and TT's predictions become reality, as neither side manages to shake the dew from the nets this evening. Extra time fails to alter the situation, though Northwich really go for it, urged on by their partisan followers. In all honesty, these sides could be playing a month later and still not troubling the score keepers. I should have known: the first tie was a Desmond (two-two)!! 

An undisturbed towel in the back of the net. It's probably still there!

And so to penalties! It's 4-4 after 10 penalties, so we enter sudden death. TT proclaims that we will still be here for breakfast tomorrow! I fear he may be right as the very next three spot kicks are missed. At last, Ossett's Seon Ripley puts us out of our misery by firing in the decider and we can finally all go home!

This was a frustrating day in many ways: another Arctic Warbler dip; 'Nailed on' Little Owls that weren't that 'nailed on' after all; an abomination that is called a 0-0 after extra time. On the other hand, we had a showy Scops Owl, met Pink Floyd at Whitburn and visited a lovely old football stadium. It could have been worse: I could have been at work!!



DOWNHAM TOWN     V     WISBECH ST. MARY

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19TH

Competition: Thurlow Nunn Eastern Counties League, Division One

Ticket price: £4

Programme: £1

Attendance: 81

Half time score: 2-0

Full time score: 4-0

Bird species: 71

Mileage: 278

Trip music: None, just witty and intelligent conversation and banter throughout the day!

 

 

BACKGROUND

Whenever I am planning a birdy/footy day out, there are usually several options for the area of the country to choose from involving occasional heart-wrenching choices. Today, there is really only one county on the menu (unless I want to hop on a charter to Barra for the American Redstart and ignore football altogether!): Norfolk.

 

Tottenham Tim is driving his Pochettino Polo today and there are a least four lifers for him in the county. Rather more importantly (and selfishly), there is a lifer for me too: Pallas's Grasshopper Warbler, also known as a PG Tips courtesy of white outer tips to its tail feathers. One was found at the weekend and has continued to 'show' up until Monday evening. I say show, as PG Tips are notoriously skulking, but I have to give it a go for the sake of my stalling British List which is increasing as speedily as a bespectacled pensioner in the middle lane of a busy motorway.

 

Left: a typical view of said species - not the actual Norfolk bird - if you are very lucky and patient. Taken by By J.M.Garg - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org

It's not much to look at, I know, but it is a highly sought-after, almost mythical, skulking little bastard of a bird and I need it on my British List! I was stuck at work when my mate phoned me to say he was watching the last twitchable Norfolk individual - on Blakeney Point in 2001 - and to add insult to humiliation I even came away empty handed from twelve days on Shetland in September at peak PG Tips time.

 

THE BIRDS

We leave the East Midlands at 4.15am, so we have plenty of time to look for our target birds throughout the day. On the journey, I explain to Tottenham Tim the likely events at the PG Tips twitch: flushing; flight views; long periods of hanging around, etc. Still being a relative beginner, he has likely never experienced a twitch like this but I thought it best to prepare him for the worst.

 

We arrive at Burnham Overy in time to nab the last parking spot in the tiny car park off the main A149 coastal road. I do not want to risk the car park at the Staithe being flooded like some birders found yesterday! A bonus of arriving first thing in the morning is that one sees flocks of Pink-footed Geese heading off he marsh to feed inland. What a wonderful, evocative sight and sound to start off the birding day. A Marsh Harrier lazily flaps over the marsh too.

 

A short walk down the muddy path sees us standing with about thirty or so other hopeful warbler watchers. There has been no sign of the target yet. Suddenly, a guy standing on the seawall sees the PG Tips fly out of a patch of reeds and along a dyke. He obtains good flight views, below his position on the bank, and is sure it is the Gropper.

 

I join him and see a bird fly low down the channel and dive into the reeds. As it banks to land, I get a view of its dark, broad tail but the light is poor and I do not see any white. It is certainly the Pallas's or another Locustella. The fact I see a dark tail would indicate that I have my lifer but I feel no satisfaction or elation, just frustration.

 

What happens next is predictable but unacceptable. Several twitchers cross the dykes at various points - into private fields - and attempt to flush the bird. It is seen in flight two or three more times but the flushing shows no signs of stopping. I finally make a plea for the bird to be allowed to feed in peace for an hour or so.

 

In the meantime, an elderly birdwatcher standing on the bank starts shouting at the ever-growing number of twitchers that the flushers are "a disgrace to birdwatching".  The exchange becomes confrontational and Tottenham Tim attempts to calm things down. One guy is a real idiot and tries to shout down the elderly man with this little gem: "You know nothing about birds mate! What's its Latin [sic] name?" This has to be one of the most ludicrous quotes from a twitch ever! Like you have to know what a bird's scientific name is before you know that trampling reeds for over an hour and trespassing onto private land is unacceptable or acceptable.

 

Before the situation becomes even more depressing, I suggest to TT that we leave and go and look for his Arctic Warbler in nearby Well Woods. At least people seem to be letting the Pallas's be for a while, apart from the Prize Idiot who confronted the birdwatcher with the Latin [sic] test, who single-handedly piles into the reeds again, large camera swinging wildly about his neck, behaving like a spoiled, sulking brat. What a complete tosser.

 

 

A rare respite for the PG Tips at Burnham Overy

Now I am not one of those people who constantly put down twitchers. Nor am I about to become one of those dullards who delight in accessing twitching forums to inform everyone they don't go twitching anymore (NO ONE is interested! Really; NO ONE.). In fact, in my thirty years or so of twitching, I have an almost 100% record of positive experiences from these events and I feel I have benefitted mentally from a vast majority of twitches: I have come away from most with a definite feel-good factor.

Perhaps controversially, neither am I against the occasional flush of a skulking bird, no matter how that goes against 'the welfare of birds must always come first' mantra. Flushes will happen - rightly or wrongly - so better it be an occasional, controlled one than armies of birders continually trampling through the grass or reeds. In my opinion, the rare bird undoubtedly benefits from this controlled environment in the long run.

Later that afternoon, the situation at Burnham deteriorated further. A video emerges of a confrontation between Holkham Estate wardens - the landowners - and twitchers. Twitchers try and defend trespassing in the fields and when the video circulates on bird forums even more birders come forward and defend the undefendable twitchers. This proves how far removed from normality some of my fellow obsessives are when it comes to our hobby: some people really need to get a grip! 

 

Another, more prosaic dilemma is troubling me: can I tick the Pallas's on those flight views?! A mega-stonking lifer begging to be ticked off my list and I am prevaricating! What agony! Anyway, while I am pondering this completely inconsequential problem, we pull up in the huge car park at Wells and make our way through the plague of dogs- does everyone in this fecking country now own a dog? And it isn't just one per person: these people have four, five, six... shitting and barking nuisances -  to where the warbler had been showing up until yesterday evening. By the moping faces of birders on site, there is negative news.

 

TT and I go through the motions and check every tree and bush in the vicinity. It is obvious there has been a clear out of birds overnight: the woods are virtually silent. We manage to see a couple of Goldcrests, Chiffchaffs and some Long-tailed Tits but very little else. As dog activity becomes unbearable, we head back to the car. This has not been a good day so far!

On the walk back, a dog-walker asks us what the 'little doocks' are on the pool. We are able to tell him they are Little Grebes. He thanks us and then proceeds to regale us with a tale of when he was shown a 'reet pretty little borrd' at Kessingland: a Wryneck. TT still needs Wryneck for his list, so this was a galling tale. 'Shoowin reet well, it wor' (you may or may not have gathered by now that he is from the north-east!). I think young folk call this being 'owned': TT has just been well and truly owned by a dog-walking non birder!

 

Arctic Warbler by Oliver Reville posing the day before I arrived. Little Bugger!

 

It is still only lunchtime and we have an afternoon to fill before the football this evening. There is no bird news filtering out of Norfolk at all, apart from negatives. Despite the Grey Phalarope having seemingly departed, I suggest we head for Salthouse anyway. We can have a quick look on the pools there just in case and there might be something passing offshore. Tottenham Tim still needs a skua - any skua! - for his lowly-list, so he might get lucky.

 

Of course, the Phal has done a flit: another lifer disappointment for TT! We, therefore, spend an hour scanning the sea. It is quiet but small flocks of Gannets and Common Scoters pass by and one or two Red-throated Divers head east at a distance with a couple of Brent Geese powering west. We cut our losses and scan Cley Marshes from the reserve's car park. Finally some birds to sift through!

 

 

Salthouse shingle beach

 

 

Grey Phalarope by Oliver Reville; another one that did a flit overnight!

 

 

From our raised vantage point we can see a few Avocets, Black-tailed Godwits, Shovelers, Teal, etc. This flurry of activity really whets our appetites and we decide to head back along the coast to Titchwell for a spot of 'proper' birdwatching. Titchwell never fails to produce good bird sightings, so it will be a nice end to a frustrating day.

Half an hour later, we are walking along the raised footpath through Titchwell marsh. The sun is out and we finally embark on some relaxed spotting. First up is a pair of displaying Marsh Harriers soaring in the air towards Thornham. After this promising start, we spend the next hour scanning the scrapes to see what we can find.

 

The monstrous 'new' Parrinder Hide at Titchwell. I have yet to meet anyone who likes it!

 

 

Wader scrapes and hides at Titchwell RSPB

 

 

As usual, some waders and ducks are showing brilliantly from the raised footpath. I don't think birdwatchers can approach waders as closely as they can at Titchwell anywhere else in Britain: it is almost as easy as American birding! Ruff, Lapwings, Black-tailed Godwits, Teal and Shovelers are all busily feeding in the mud just below the path. Further out are many more godwits - both Bar and Black-tailed - Dunlin Snipe, Avocets, Shovelers, Teal, and a host of gulls. This is more like it!

 



Black-tailed Godwit

 

Ruff positively glowing in the afternoon sun.

It suddenly strikes me that we can end the day with a lifer for Tottenham Tim. Bless him, the Lowlister has yet to see a Little Owl and I know just the place. We stroll back to the car and head inland to Flitcham Abbey Farm. This 'hidden gem' hardly ever fails to produce a Little Owl or two, so I am fairly positive TT will end the day on a high. I was wrong!

 

 

I rarely fail to find an owl sat in its favourite tree on the reserve but this is one of those days. I momentarily cause excitement when I find what I think is a bird partially hidden in 'The Owl Tree' but it turns out to be a rather convincing piece of branch. We find perching Kestrel and Buzzard and the Egyptian Geese are being very noisy but there is no sign of the target species. We could have stayed longer but time is pressing and we have a football match to get to, so the birding ends on a disappointing dip. Little Owl will have to wait to get onto TT's Life List a little longer!

 

 

THE FOOTBALL

Downham Market lies 18 miles south of Flitcham. The route takes us past Fordham where I have happy memories of watching Golden Orioles every May; their wonderful flutey, exotic calls ringing out from the lines of Poplar trees lining the canal on fine dawn mornings. Sadly, this is a species lost as a breeder from Britain and sadly missed they are too.

 

We arrive at Friends Meadow, home of Downham Town, which looks more like a community park than a sports stadium. A matter-of-fact lady informs me there will be no substantial hot food tonight, just sausage rolls, so we drive into town and seek out a chippie instead. Suitably refreshed, we return to the ground and settle in for the match.

Downham play in the Thurlow Nunn Eastern Counties League, a competition I like but is spoilt by too many reserve sides taking part. Tonight they host Wisbech St. Mary, a relatively new club to the league. The last time I saw St. Mary, they provided great entertainment with a 3-7 home defeat by Woodbridge Town. I am hoping for a similar goalfest tonight to boost my sagging Goal Average tally.

 

Despite looking like a community playing field, Fields Meadow does have a small stand. There's a clubhouse too, with a large conservatory-type tearoom-looking feel to it. This is where teas and snacks are served.

Outside, there's a definite autumn feel to the air. A club official is busily clearing away fallen branches from the pitch, no doubt a legacy from the recent storm. There's a couple of fence panels down as well and the surrounds are covered with fallen leaves. I love this time of year.

 

 

 

Downham Town 'clubhouse'

 

 

Entrance to the ground is down a short pathway leading from the clubhouse. A guy is sat in a shed collecting £4 from spectators and selling programmes for £1. The whole feel of this place is more akin to the Hellenic League and its notoriously facility-weak grounds. Still, I like it and it's a new tick for me!

 

 

 

The programme is a typical East Anglian Barnes Print issue. For those unfamiliar with Barnes Print, they produce programmes for free in return for advertising revenue. They then give these programmes to individual clubs who sell them for £1: as far as I can see, it's a win-win situation, so I don't know why more clubs don't take up the offer. The layout has a nice, traditional feel to it as well.

 

 

 

Unlike most matches, this one kicks off on time. It is a real bug-bear with me that teams and officials are at a ground up to 120 minutes before kick off but still cannot manage to get their shit together to start on time. The FA should be much stricter on this issue: there's no excuse for it!

 

 

 

The first half is very fast-paced. Downham came into tonight's fixture without a win to their name this season but look determined to put that right against Wisbech. Quite how a team this good has such a poor record is puzzling because they are two goals up at half time. Both are well-worked efforts belying a team that has a goal average of minus eleven!

 

After I partake of a warming drink at the break, Downham continue the second half where they left off the first and rattle in another two goals. It is an easy win for them and they could have had many more goals. Wisbech St. Mary aren't that bad, just outclassed tonight. Maybe I should follow the visitors more often being as my last two matches involving them have produced fourteen goals!

 

 

 

 

 

 

A skilful mole cuts in from the left wing but his shot whizzes inches over he bar.

  

An uneventful drive home ends a decent, if a tad frustrating day out. Writing this several weeks later, I have come to the decision that I cannot tick the PG Tips on those views even though I am sure it was the bird. Well I say I have made the decision but on certain days I feel the urge to add the little blighter to my list but at the moment I am resisting temptation!

 

When I return home, I wash my Lucky T. Shirt and Lucky Socks pretty damned quickly in case another Mega turns up in the next few days. I don't know, birdwatching is supposed to be a relaxing hobby...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOREST GREEN ROVERS     V     MK DONS

TUESDAY, AUGUST 8TH

Competition: Carabao (League) Cup, First Round

Ticket price: £12

Programme: £3

Attendance: 1,608

Half time score: 0-0

Full time score: 0-1 (After Extra Time)

Bird species: 49

Mileage: 377.9

Trip music: BBC Radio 6; Sound and Colour - Alabama Shakes.

 

 

BACKGROUND

I am a bit of an obsessive character to say the least. One of the ways this exhibits itself is in the fact I need to tick off every Football League ground. This includes sides that I have visited in Non League once they get promoted to The League. Sad, isn't it?!

 

To this end, Forest Green Rovers must be done in the 2017/18 season being as they won promotion to League Two via the play-offs last season. I used to do a new team's very first match in The League and it is tempting to do so in Forest Green's case but it clashes with FA Cup day so I plump for their second ever game: a home tie in the League Cup. Unlike a normal Tuesday - when I can pick a game where the birds are - this ties me down to a specific area of the country, limiting my birding options. The stage is set for a trip to the south-west.

 

 

THE BIRDS

There's really only one choice of venue for some pre-match birding and that is Ham Wall and the surrounding expanses of The Avalon Marshes. Seven species of heron bred on site this year! I am probably too late to connect with some of them but there's always something to see in this fabulous area. When I mention this trip to Tottenham Tim, he immediately asks if he can tag along and then books a ticket for the game!

 

Traffic on the M42 around Birmingham is horrendous, not helped by torrential rain. It's a good job we have all day because it takes a massive four hours to complete the trek to Meare. The silver lining is that by the time I pull up in the reserve's car park, the sun is out and it is pleasantly warm (Tottenham Tim declares it "chilly"). There's a pond dipping event for children just about to start but TT shuns the idea of joining them to try for a few new species!

 

 

A map of Ham Wall reserve, just a small part of the extensive Avalon Marshes

 

 

There are lots of small birds in the hedgerows along the main path. Blue, Great and Long-tailed Tits seem to have had a good breeding season and there are plenty of 'tacking' Blackcaps in the Brambles. The first viewing platform is very quiet, so we continue along the main track towards the second viewpoint.

 

On the way, we encounter a large group of Mute Swans in a very narrow channel. Wardens have counted up to 36 in one place but we only see 16. It is still an odd sight, though, and they are making a heck of a mess on the bank. They pay no heed as we pass within feet of them, as they preen in a group. I have often wondered if birds itch like crazy when moulting their feathers.

 

 

Part of the herd of preening Mute Swans

 

"I do balancing tricks too..."

 

Messy bugger but she looks so proud!

 

 

A gap in the hedge allows a scan of an otherwise hidden pool. There's no sign of the usual, semi-resident Glossy Ibis but a few Black-tailed Godwits - in varying states of moult and plumages - and Lapwings are a stunning sight in the sun. Great White and Little Egrets are standing side by side for an excellent comparison.

 

Great Egrets have bred at Ham Wall for the last two or three years now: a welcome addition to the British breeding avifauna. This once rare species is now almost guaranteed on this reserve for those who wish to see one. It is also strange to think that when I first took up the hobby, Little Egret was a rarity in Britain. I remember standing for three hours at Frampton Marsh waiting for my first one to hop out of a ditch. They are now on virtually every marsh and gravel pit and breed in my home county of Nottinghamshire!

 

 

My record shot of a Great (White) Egret

 

 

A somewhat better shot of a GWE copyright of John Crispin

 

I settle onto the benches of the second viewing platform for a leisurely scan of the marsh. The scrape is covered with birds but there's still no sign of the Glossy Ibis. A fellow scanner finds a Kingfisher on a pool behind the platform and I am able to set up my spotting 'scope and show the bird to several passers by. It is always a thrill to share birds, especially iconic ones such as Kingfisher. It's just a pity this one is too far away to take a picture of.

 

 

Not the bird from Ham Wall but one taken earlier in the year at Top Hill Low, Yorkshire.

 

Meanwhile, the marsh at the front of the platform produces a displaying pair of Sparrowhawks, a Marsh Harrier, a Kestrel, a Peregrine and a prolonged, but distant, view of a flying Bittern. A couple of Great White Egrets show along the rear bank and I can hear some Bearded Tits calling close by.  To complete the picture, a good number of Lapwings and Gadwalls are also constantly on show. It's all go!

 

 

2nd Viewing platform

 

A Bittern in flight, copyright of Jon Crispin

 

Marsh Harrier by John Crispin

 

 

We take a stroll further long the path to find the spot where Little Bitterns bred this year. I am looking for the famous 'ambulance' but am dubious as to the accuracy of this description. Sure enough, about 500 yards down the track Tottenham Tim espies an old ambulance plonked on the edge of the marsh! I think we are too late to see this elusive species but make a mental note in case I visit next year.

 

We wander back towards the car, scanning marshes and reedbeds we had searched on the way own. Cetti's Warblers shout from deep undergrowth and Reed Warblers scold us from reeds and bushes. We divert off the path to take a look what we can find from Avalon Hide.

 

The swans are still pulling out feathers and generally making a mess. It is really quite warm now and the shade of the hide is very welcome. More Great and Little Egrets are seen flying over the marsh and I glimpse a Bearded Tit as it zips from one patch of reeds to another, 'ping-pinging' as it goes.

 

The view from Avalon Hide. Glastonbury Tor is visible from most of the Avalon Marshes sites.

 

Great Egret in flight by John Crispin

 

I am getting tired now. I don't know why because I haven't walked that far, but I am! I make an effort to get to the viewing screen along Reedbed Tail and am rewarded with closer views of the Marsh Harrier and a delightful family of Tufted Ducks.

 

 

Now that chick is cute!

 

 

The final stop on this amazing reserve is back at Platform One. However, a reed cutter is busy at work in front of the viewpoint and I am about to leave straight away when the thought strikes me that the noisy machine could put up anything at any moment!

Sure enough, the elusive Glossy Ibis is flushed from a hidden pool and flies towards us. Fortunately, it lands on a grassy patch in front of the platform and shows for a few seconds. This species can look very dark but when the sun catches its feathers, it is a glorious mix of bronze and green. It then flies off once more, heading towards the Avalon Hide. TT also finds another posing Kingfisher. Job done!



 

Useful reed cutting/bird flushing machine

 

 



 

Disturbed by the reed cutting machine (by John Crispin)!

 

Time is pressing; I had wanted to have a look for waders on Meare Heath but several people had already told me that water levels were high on that marsh. There is time, however, for a very quick look on Westhay Moor, just up the road, where Black-crowned Night-Herons have bred this year.

Ten minutes later, TT and I pull into the rough car park. A Reed Warbler is feeding on blackberries by the gate, which is a nice start to the visit.

 

 

 

 

 

  A quick visit to two hides on the reserve reveals very few birds of note. I find the hide where the Night-Herons have been seen but don't expect to encounter any at this hour of day. Dusk is the prime time but I will be at a match by then!

 

 

 The marsh reminds me of a typical American landscape; dead trees (or 'snags' as the Yanks call them) dotted around reed-lined pools. I half expect to find an Empid flycatcher perched on a dead branch!

 

 

At 5.00pm, it is definitely time to head north for the second phase of the day. Tim and I have notched up 49 species of birds, some of which would have been classed as seriously rare when I first started birding and many a-person would still like to see in this country.

   

 THE FOOTBALL

For some reason, Jane SatNav wants to take me through the centre of Bristol. I ignore her several times and think I am on the right road but ignore her at one junction too many and end up in horrendous rush hour traffic in the city centre anyway. At least I can show Tottenham Tim the SS Great Britain as we pass by at an injured snail's pace.

 

FGR = Fecking Greedy Robdogs

It has started to rain again by the time we reach The New Lawn, home of Forest Green Rovers. The last time I was here, I breezed straight into the car park. Not this time; signs are up telling me I will have to pay a fiver for that privilege. This puts FGR in the unwelcome bracket of 'Rob Dogs' in my book, so I park on a side street instead.

 

TT and I have already printed off our tickets for this evening's match, so we don't have to join the queues to collect them. Except there are no queues: it seems this Caracrappio Cup match (or whatever the League Cup is known as these days) has not captured the imagination of the Nailsworth locals.

 

Thanks to my route via Bristol, I haven't had time to stop for food on the way to the game.  Usually this is not a problem on matchday but The New Lawn is famously vegan, thanks to a decree by the owner, Dale Vince, that his ground should be meat free (including meals for the players).

 

In fact this is the only stadium in the world to have EMAS accreditation - the Gold Standard of environmental management - and is described by FIFA as the greenest club in the world. Vince plans to take these green credentials one step further by building a new stadium made entirely out of sustainably-grown wood. On the downside, this would mean me having to visit this new Eco Park ground just to keep up my League Ground record, the third venue I will have seen FGR play at!

 

No exactly cutting the atmosphere with a knife!

 

 

10 ways in which FGR help preserve the environment

There's a large sign on the outside of the main stand detailing every energy saving feature of The New Lawn. These include electric car charging points in the club car park, a ground-based solar power system, recycling waste cooking oil as a biofuel, capturing rainwater and all water that goes onto the pitch, a robotic mower, a tractor that runs on biofuel, an organic pitch and provision of wildlife habitats. Tottenham Tim quips that he hopes the goal nets are dolphin friendly. How droll.

 

Given my passion for nature and conservation, I should really love Forest Green Rovers. I don't: they are a nothing club in the middle of nowhere with very little support and I begrudge wasting Non League time by being here. Having said that, FGR have a bigger place in my heart than tonight's opponents: MK Dons.

 

Electric car charging points at the ground

The Dons famously upset almost everyone in football by relocating Wimbledon from their Plough Lane home in South London to the National Hockey Stadium in Milton Keynes. In my opinion, and in most football fans' opinions, the club should have started life in the lower echelons of Non League and not been allowed into The League on the back of Wimbledon's potential demise. It was a scandalous decision when it was made in 2004 and it still rankles with true football fans to this day. So, this is a tie in an unloved competition between two unlikeable teams on a wet Tuesday night. How could this be worse?

 

Which brings me neatly on to food! I enter the clubhouse, which is packed with people. Most are here for the range of ciders and real ale on offer. The serving hatch is not very busy and when I see the veggie burgers and Quorn pies for sale, I can understand why. I have to settle for a chip cob (or bap or roll depending on your local dialect!) for another Rob Dog price of £3.20.

 

I then go in search of a teamsheet. There is chaos in the main office: the usual excuse about the computer system being down and a queue of very disgruntled home fans. I head upstairs to find the Press Box, where a spare teamsheet is normally to be found. Instead, I manage to scrounge one from a nice girl in a Hospitality Box.

 

The return route takes me through a busy Carol Emley Suite where I find a much more appetising range of food on offer. It seems to be going down nicely with punters, too.

 

An extensive vegan menu is on offer in the Carol Emley Suite.

 

 

Before kick off, I just have time to read through the glossy programme. It doesn't take long to complete the task. Most of it is about selling people stuff - hospitality, mascot packages, a video game of virtual football, etc. - and portrays no semblance of a love of football like a good programme should. In essence, it is a glossy corporate brochure that fits in perfectly with this bland, wafer-thin football club.

 

I take my place in the East Stand near the halfway line. I am surrounded by fans wearing hats and gloves on this decidedly mild evening, whereas I am in shirt sleeves and enjoying being at a pleasant temperature for once. Having said that, it has been remarked on more than one occasion: "Neil, you are not normal".

 

From my position in the main stand along one touchline, I can see covered terraces behind each goal - League Two clubs are allowed to have areas that aren't seated -while the terrace opposite is open to the elements. I bet Dons fans are relieved it has stopped raining! 

 

 

 

The Main Stand

 

 

 

 

It's always the away fans without cover.

 

MK Dons start off the game with some very slick football. FGR just about cling on but they do insist on giving away the ball at alarmingly regular intervals. Despite their dominance, The Dons do not trouble their host's goalkeeper. In fact, you can judge for yourselves just how dreary this game is by the fact the first save a 'keeper has to make comes in the 73rd minute. All I can hear is Tottenham Tim muttering: please don't go to extra time; please don't go to extra time..." as the inevitable drifts ever nearer.

 

Sigh

 

And then the inevitable happens: the final whistle on 90 minutes with the score resolutely stuck at 0-0. All I want to do is scuttle home and TT looks as if he's about to commit suicide but I am determined to stick this out to the bitter end.

 

To be fair, extra time is quite lively, thank goodness. Both sides attack as if they actually want to win the tie but it is the Abominations from Milton Keynes who sneak into the next round. Gboly Ariyibi cuts in from the left and curls in a beautiful, unstoppable shot. This begs the question: why the heck didn't he do this in the ninety minutes of normal time and save us all a bit of anguish?!

 

Anyway, we are finally unleashed from the torture and gingerly make our way home through yet more torrential rain. The only consolation is that I need never darken the door of FGR again. Until they relocate to their new stadium...

 

 

 Many thanks to John Crispin for letting me use his excellent bird shots from Ham Wall RSPB